Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Mumbo Jumbo..

  • I am extremely exhausted and don't even feel like posting but decided to be lazy and just do a few bullets.
  • Yesterday Ava turned 11 months. I wanted to get a picture of her and post it in an "11 month" post yesterday but never got around to it. I thought about it though. That counts for something right?
  • Today we had court. We got there at 9am and didn't leave until 5pm. It was a very long day. We were able to finish our trial and we have to go back on Tuesday in order for the judge to speak with Tyler. He will tell us his decision that day. I'm not real sure where we stand as of right now. Things went well and in our favor and things went the complete opposite also, which was to be expected. I guess I am being a bit of a pessimist, but I think I am just trying to prepare myself for the worst, just in case. I just pray for whatever is best for Tyler.
  • We are pregnant. I have not been to a doctor yet, but by mine and my mom's calculations, I believe I am about 8 weeks along. I took a test about 4 weeks ago; the night Michael and I took the boys to the Monster Truck show. Honestly, we wanted to wait until court was done before we told too many people, but most people know by now. I have debated back and forth on whether I wanted to go into detail about my feelings on this pregnancy here, because I don't want to hurt any body's feelings. But after much thought, I feel that this blog is mine. It is here for me to talk about my life and my feelings and whatever else I want to put on here. So I will start off by saying that I hope that what I am going to say doesn't hurt any body's feelings but I need to get it out. I feel that I don't talk much about my feelings here and I wish I did. I wish I found it easier to put my thoughts and feelings into words, but it has never been easy for me.
  • Back to my point, I have mixed feelings about this pregnancy. It was not planned. I did want another baby but I didn't feel that I was ready for it any time soon. As selfish as it sounds, I was actually enjoying having my body back and I was enjoying my time with Ava and trying to just enjoy it and take it all in. I know that having a 1 1/2 year old and a newborn baby is going to be hard work. I also know that Ava isn't going to get the attention that she is used to getting. On the other hand, I am glad they will be close in age. I don't want to say that I am not excited about this pregnancy, because I know that I will be. It's not really that I am not excited about it right now, I guess I am just scared. It is going to be SO overwhelming! The fact that my mom is moving is a pretty big bummer as well. She helped me so much with my pregnancy with Ava and even stayed a week when she was born. I know she will be just a phone call away and I am pretty certain that she will be here when this baby is born also. Bottom line is, I was not ready yet, nor was I expecting it. I know it will all work out and I KNOW without a doubt in my mind that I will get more and more excited as time goes by.
  • I still don't feel like I explained my feelings really well above, which is why I don't do it often.
  • I am tired and I have been having cravings this time around WAY more than I did when I was pregnant with Ava, and I am barely 2 months along! This could be a problem...
  • Being pregnant is a big reason for FINALLY getting into the studio for some family portraits. As I said before, I have been wanting to get them done since Ava was born and I have been planning on going for about a month now. I decided that I'd rather get our family portraits done BEFORE I was nine months pregnant this time. LOL I am glad we got them done and I think they turned out pretty good. I pick them up on Monday.
  • I can't stop thinking about court and I can't stop worrying about Tuesday. These next few days are going to drag by..
  • My house is STILL not cleaned and STILL not in order. It's better than it was but I really need to get back on the ball. So much has been going on lately that I have just pretty much let it go for about a week or so.
  • Ava's top tooth broke through about a week or 2 ago. I don't even know exactly when. All I know is it is almost half way through.
  • I am off to bed to read. I am beyond exhausted.

Update: I just wanted to say that I AM excited about this pregnancy and my husband couldn't be happier to have our 2nd together before he is forty! LOL Everyday I get a little more excited and I'm getting curious now as to whether we are having a boy or a girl. At this point, I would be happy with either. I would love to have a boy also, but on the other hand, if we have a girl, we are SET! Plus, Ava will have a sister pretty close to her age that she could grow up with and hopefully have a close relationship with like I do with my siblings. Either way, this baby is a pure blessing to our family and I know that God just had different plans in store for us and I am totally ok with that. So bring on the baby belly!!


Stacie said...

listen, you have a right to your feelings...and a right to express them and you did...and it is NORMAL I think to have those feelings.

Having a child is scary, whether it is your first, second or octuplets ;).

there are going to be moments of pure bliss and moments of pure fear, and it is all NORMAL.

SO share your feelings, that is what a blog is for (in my opinion) and I know that (as all mothers do) you will make it through all of it!!!


Cloggsy said...

Hey girl,

If you want to talk to someone about the pregnancy that isn't involved in anyway, just shoot me an email. I'm all ears and shoulder to lean on...


Kami said...

Ashley, it's completely understandable for you to feel mixed feelings about the pregnancy! You expressed them very well too.

AS you said there are many pluses and really having a second is hard no matter what the age of the first. Ava won't remember not having a sibling and little kids adapt so easily. I venture to guess things will be just fine :)

Congratulations!! And don't ever be afraid to share your feelings here, your feelings are always valid.

From the Inside out.... said...

Hi! My name is Liz, I stumbled upon your blog tonight...and I just wanted to say that I know completely how you feel about the new pregnancy!! I have two girls, only 18 months apart(17.5 if you wanna be technical!) and it was really hard on me at first...I was SO worried about my first being able to cope with not getting as much attention, and now that I think about it, I was SO's the best helper EVER..Ava will be too, I'm sure...and I know how the cravings can get crazy was amazed at how fast I was craving things...and they were totally different than my first pregnancy if you ever need a sympathetic ear, I'm around! :)